capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
