I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
