I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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