Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
