I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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