is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
