i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
