I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
