So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
