as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
