This girl is more easily done than said...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
