Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
