cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
please come you make the beer taste better
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
