Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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