he puts the penis in happiness.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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