fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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