His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
