My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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