if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
