Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize