And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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