Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
