Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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