I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
