Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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