3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
