I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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