She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
