How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
