tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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