Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
