youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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