I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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