I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
