I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
