check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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