I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
