There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
