he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
