I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
only you would photoshop your dick
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
