Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
