would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
