Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
