i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
