My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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