My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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