No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
