oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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