hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
