i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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