another moral hangover. fuck.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
