ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
