Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
