it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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