I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
