i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
