I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
