Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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