Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
