i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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