can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
