Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
