i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
