I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
