Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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