He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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