No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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