Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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